you say "non-violent communication"

an uncle

witnessed such a scene on the subway two days ago:

an old man reprimanded the young man and said, "my legs are not convenient. Why don't you let me sit down!"

the young man flushed and got off at the next stop angrily.

it can be seen that there is also violence in language. If the man's tone was a little softer, the young man would be willing to give up his seat.

language is really a wonderful thing, it occasionally makes you feel like a spring breeze, and occasionally pulls you into the ice cave.

some people like to speak in a commanding tone, some people like to bring their own subjective conjecture, some people like to beat around the bush, some people like to go straight into …...

but either way, if the speaker's original intention can not be accurately conveyed to each other, it is very easy to have a bad mood.

if you encounter problems in life and don't know how to communicate correctly, you might as well learn what "non-violent communication" is with your uncle.

I believe that after reading the article, you can also realize the truth that "when we remove the hidden spiritual violence, love will be revealed naturally."

-01-

A good marriage, communicate with love

as the saying goes, good words are warm in three winters, bad words hurt people in June, and their mouth can spit roses as well as thistles.

in our daily life, our language will also hide "violence", often intentionally or unintentionally hurt others, but also hurt ourselves.

especially in relationships, "violent communication" can make your relationship farther and farther away.

there is a question on Zhihu: why do men and women quarrel?

below Zhang Jiawei replied: going back to the source and quarreling, this is the beginning when the two sides are unwilling to communicate and want to protect themselves.

many men and women quarrel, and the man thinks: why did she ignore what I said? The woman thinks: if you want to talk, you have to say it well. what kind of attitude is this?

it is true that for women, as long as the attitude is correct and the tone is gentle, it doesn't matter how it makes sense. While men just want to talk about things on a case-by-case basis and solve problems directly.

in many quarrels, the problem itself is not important, it is more likely that the two sides are emotionally unstable and unable to sit down and communicate well, which leads to a large-scale outbreak.

the author, Dr. Marshall Luxembourg, talks about the strained relationship between a man and his wife. One day, his wife said to him, "you never listen to me."

"Why didn't I?" He replied.

"you just don't have it!" The wife retorted.

then Marshall said to the gentleman, "how about I play your role if I can?" He said he would be happy to.

Mrs.: "you never listen to me."

Marshall: "you sound disappointed. You need to be considerate, don't you? "

as soon as the author finished his words, the lady burst into tears and thought she had finally been understood.

the gentleman looked surprised: "that's all she wants-to understand and listen?"

you see, even couples who get along day and night find it hard to believe that a word of care and understanding can have such a great impact on each other.

maybe we don't realize that the way we talk is "violent", but what we say does often cause each other's pain.

when the other person is in a mood, no matter how reasonable you are, he will not listen, and listening is an important means to resolve antagonistic emotions.

Marriage is like cooking ingredients in a pot of soup, even if you can tell each other apart, but the taste has melted together, teeth and tongue and fight, why can't we sit down and talk to our loved ones?

when our language is no longer a sharp dagger, then our life will be happier and happier.

-02-

communicate with your child as long as you respect him

"when I was your age, I not only had to go to school, but also worked for my parents. If you look at you now, you know how to play mobile games and not study hard. Are you worthy of us?"

"the college entrance examination is coming soon, so why do you still have time to read these messy extracurricular books? if you can't go to college, how can you find a good job in the future!"

"how come Xiao Li is the first in her class? no matter how you tutor, you can't make any progress. Are you really learning?"

"as a student, don't pay too much attention to dressing up. When you go out to work, I won't tell you what you wear."

.

do you have cocoons in your ears if you say something like that?

parents who say these words share a common mentality: I have been there, and I say these things for your own good.

after all, "other people's children" are excellent, but they can only hate iron without becoming steel.

but if you think about it from another perspective, sometimes it's not that there is a generation gap between us and our children, but we just don't give them a chance to talk and explain.

in the long run, children will break up in discord even if they want to communicate with you.

Marshall wrote in his book: one night, when I pointed out to my son Brett that he had not done a good job of housework, he retorted:

"Dad, if you think about it, are you inclined to point out problems and seldom affirm me?"

such examples also apply to parents. We always think that our child can do well, but we are seldom sure of what he has already achieved.

We are used to putting ourselvesTheir own ideas are instilled into their children, but forget that they are also people with the ability to think and act.

as parents, what we can do is not to express our position hastily, not to criticize him immediately, but to calm down and think about the whole story, and then find time to communicate with him:

"I think you did a great job about what you told me the other day, but it would be better that way."

listening attentively is an important step in communicating with your child; for the sake of others, it is a bridge to get closer to your child.

it's just that even if some parents can sit down and communicate with their children once in a while, they start to get furious and angry without hearing what the child has said. Slowly, he won't say anything to his parents again.

treat children like adults, and all unpleasant things can be resolved through communication.

-03-

impulse is the devil, so have something to say

Communication is an art, anyone can speak, but how to speak artistically is what we need to learn.

people who do not know how to communicate will often quarrel as they speak.

Mahatma Gandhi said: this covert violence is like the fuel supply of hellfire. Punching and kicking is a kind of violence, and another kind of violence we must not ignore, that is, verbal violence.

in real life, too many of us are engaged in "violent communication" without knowing it.

Dr. Marshall Luxembourg found a way to communicate, talk and listen according to it, so that people can communicate with each other and live in harmony. This is "non-violent communication".

what is "non-violent communication"?

observe

express what you have observed objectively, whether you like it or not, in the face of what is happening.

feel

face and express your feelings honestly, such as injury, fear, joy, happiness, anger, etc.

need

analyze why you caused the above feelings, and find the real reason for the above feelings.

request

make suggestions and requests on what to do, so as to achieve the goal of smooth communication.

in the face of the husband who works overtime and comes home late, the wife can say, "you came back late tonight. I'm worried. I know you're busy with your work. Would you please send me a text message if you come back late?"

facing the child who likes to litter, the mother can say, "I'm not happy to see the two dirty socks you threw under the sofa. The house should be kept clean and tidy. Will you put the dirty socks in the washing machine?" .

if you use this way to communicate with each other, the other person will certainly cooperate a lot.

Life is not a debate contest, our goal is not to fight for right or wrong, but to live a better life.

A good way of communication can help us accomplish a lot of things and deal with a lot of unnecessary troubles.

if you communicate gently with others, you will certainly be treated gently by the world.

Interactive topic

chat with your uncle about the book you want to read in the message area.

or how you communicate with people in your life.

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send a copy of non-violent Communication by Marshall Luxembourg

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May you find more happiness in communication.

find your love for life.