an uncle

the night before last, I overheard the couple who had just moved in next door quarreling.

the woman cried while spitting out grievances, with a series of grievances in her voice, and the men were not willing to be outdone.

at last both of them seemed exhausted. All they heard was a slam at the door, and there was no follow-up.

it is inevitable that there will be contradictions and quarrels when two people live under the same roof because of their differences in living habits, personalities and ideas.

however, if there are too many quarrels, it will inevitably cool the heart and feelings, which is a big blow to the marriage life.

perhaps in everyone's understanding, husband and wife should respect each other, and quarrelling is a bad thing, which will affect the relationship between husband and wife, so we are all trying our best to avoid quarrels and conflicts.

but it is certain that there is no partner in the world who does not quarrel, and occasional quarrelling is also a way of communication.

this kind of "effective quarrel" is put forward in "how to fight correctly" that Uncle shared with you today.

I believe that after reading the article, you can also learn to "turn the quarrel into sugar and sprinkle dog food every day". During the quarrel, you can "quarrel" out your marital happiness and gain a better self.

-01-

A quarrel is not a matter of shallow emotion, but of deep affection

once saw a joke about a pulpit in which the host asked, "Please raise your hand if you have never had a quarrel at home after 20 years of marriage!"

as a result, there were hundreds of people in the audience, but none of them raised their hands.

the host asked, "Please raise your hand if you have never had a fight after 10 years of marriage!"

at this time, a lady in the corner raised her hand, and the host asked excitedly, "excuse me, this lady, what is the secret of your husband and wife never quarreling after 10 years of marriage?"

the lady just smiled but didn't speak, so the host had to repeat it again. Everyone was at a loss when I saw the lady pointing to her mouth and trying to draw a line.

then the sister next to the lady explained, "Sorry, my sister is a mute."

there was a lot of laughter in the meeting, but we had to admit that if we had been married for a long time, as long as the two parties could talk, they would quarrel.

it is said that each couple has the idea of divorce 100 times and the impulse to strangle each other 50 times. In fact, the reason for the contradiction is often not shallow feelings, but the use of deep feelings.

because they are in love, they care about each other's details, and because they attach importance to them, they are easy to speak impulsively.

what is a lover is just a pair of chopsticks with concerted efforts. If you want to eat the bowl of marriage, you must have collisions and stumbles.

Lin Yongjian once said:

"if you quarrel with him only once a month, you are friends; if you quarrel only once a week, you are lovers; if you quarrel every day and do not part, you are the real husband and wife."

I think so.

True love is like this, there are kisses and roars, laughter and quarrels, mutual consolation and provocation.

A relationship, if even a quarrel is superfluous, it means that it has come to an end and is bound to go bankrupt.

quarrels are not terrible, but those meaningless catharsis and ice-cold silence.

-02-

take an inch when you love you, but end when you quarrel

have seen such a short story:

the wife is in a bad mood and the husband is nagging all the time.

the wife said, "get out!"

the husband replied, "can you scold me with quality?"

the wife raises her leg with one foot: "run!" Brother! "

you see, a proper quarrel is a sweet oil to promote emotion.

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there is an example of how to fight correctly:

Dave often complains to outsiders that his wife is a grumpy woman who makes a fuss over trifles:

"I was making waffles for breakfast when Hildy (wife's name) walked into the kitchen with an unhappy face and wanted to quarrel with me.

my wife is not a weak woman. She was terribly angry. "

and one day, when his wife began to lose her temper, Dave did not run away from the quarrel as usual, nor did he avoid his wife's anger, but calmed down and faced the quarrel, as he was advised.

he looked closely and found that his wife collapsed because

the house was in a mess, but he didn't give any help.

they have no money to go on luxury holidays, but they insist on spending a lot of money on a car;

he didn't participate in or care about the family's plans and expenses.

it turns out that this warm home has always been maintained by the wife alone, and as a husband, he feels deep self-remorse and regret.

finally the quarrel dissipated in a hug.

A good relationship is not never quarrelling, but loving each other even though quarrelling; not staying in deep despair in the appearance of quarrelling, but needing to learn the correct way to quarrel.

quarrelling won't ruin your relationship, but avoid it.

only by correctly facing every conflict in the relationship and understanding each other's attitude can we live a trivial life.

-03-

learn to quarrel effectively and quarrel with lasting happiness

as a matter of fact, quarrelling is a technical job. The intensity of sound, the opportunity to make peace, and the way to apologize are almost knowledgeable.

the author and Mr. and Mrs. Wright have studied marriage for 30 years, and they have found that in order to break the fairy tale fantasy of marriage, they still need to get rid of these misunderstandings of emotional cognition.

awaken desire and follow your heart

We quarrel because we have a desire in our hearts. Next time we quarrel, please write down what you want--

what do you want to happen? What kind of result do you want?

in a quarrel, you can face the nature of the problem, reasonably express your demands, meet each other's needs, and do not escape without cowardice. The more you quarrel, the better.

close interaction, fair quarrel

when interacting with your partner, don't wait for something to say, say it immediately, argue in time, and don't beat around the bush.

the more cautious and unable to express one's views directly, the more difficult it is to last.

only by consciously looking for the positive side of the problem can we break the tilted balance, create a more enjoyable experience, and immerse yourself in it.

expose the problem, open the knot

We never look for reasons from ourselves and always blame each other for mistakes.

when you begin to better understand yourself and your partner, you will understand what attracts you to each other and how it causes disputes.

transform the relationship and not turn over the old debts

Home is a place to talk about love, not a place to be reasonable. Give it a good deal with things that have passed.

turning over the past will only arouse the emotions of both sides and hurt each other's feelings.

it doesn't help to solve the matter at all. We have to quarrel about the problems of the future.

persist in action and avoid the Cold War

A silent battle seems calm, but it hurts more than a real gun.

when problems occur, you should take the initiative to face them. The Cold War is a taboo of feelings.

in good marriages, most people know how to give each other a step down.

there are no exactly the same palmprint in the world, and there are no couples who are born to match each other. Only through mutual running-in, tolerance and understanding in quarrels can the relationship be renewed with each passing day.

Interactive topic

talk about the books you want to read in the message area.

or tell Uncle

do you apologize first when you quarrel?

"

I will choose

10 book friends

,

send a copy of how to fight correctly,

May you cherish the one who quarreled with you honestly,

and still quarrel in the end.