some people say:

"80% of the troubles in life are caused by interpersonal relationships."

I think so.

dealing with people is the most common thing in this life, but it is also the most annoying thing.

when I was young, I always felt that the most comfortable relationship between people lies in enthusiasm, freedom and worry.

the more you can experience, the more you understand that the premise of getting along with each other easily and sincerely is that there is a measure in each other's heart and a balance between each other.

compared with the warmth of "shallow talk" and the excessive enthusiasm of "ripe and out-of-the-box", people who are "cool and thin" deserve to know each other more deeply.

first cool, then love.

such people are often not indifferent, but mature.

be warm and indifferent to others

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Cai Kangyong once said:

"I don't think it's too warm, it's the best way to maintain a good relationship with others, and it's harder to be tied up by the word" warm ".

I advise you to be a cold person and learn to be indifferent so that you can be completely warm. "

this is true.

as the saying goes, duo Mian, Sheng Mi Qiu.

after all, there is a limit to a person's warmth. If you blindly pay and tolerate, you will only get each other's entanglement and care in the end.

in the Japanese drama "We who can't be Beasts", the hostess Shen Haijing is a typical "good old man".

in order to maintain her relationship with her colleagues, she prints documents and collates materials for her colleagues every day, and even takes on the work of making coffee and taking meals out.

however, her warmth towards her colleagues is not in exchange for recognition and respect, but more rude squeeze. in this way, she becomes more and more aggrieved and tired.

Bi Shumin said:

"refusal is a right in itself. If you are so easy to talk, who will understand you?"

Life is never easy, most of the time, your warmth will only gain an inch from the other side.

people should be warm, but their hearts should be cold, turn their faces when they should fall out, and refuse when they should refuse. Only in this way will others understand your bottom line and choice.

in life, if you are too enthusiastic, you will not be cherished, and if you are too warm, you will not be respected.

the friendship between gentlemen should be as light as water, and only with a measured relationship can it be lasting and comfortable.

be close to your family, but also to the end of the world

there was a problem with Zhihu:

"Why do you have more conflicts with your family the longer you spend with your family?"

one answer goes like this:

"because there is always one side, hoping to convince the other."

doing things of "control" in the name of "love" is often counterproductive.

too many people always think that closeness is "love", but in fact, the relationship between families also needs to be a little cooler.

this coolness is not to be emotionally weak, nor to make each other ruthless, but to define each other's boundaries and identify with their own choices.

I don't influence your thoughts, and you don't interfere in my life; I don't assimilate your world, and you don't influence my future.

No one in this world can take care of each other for a lifetime, and everyone has to be independent. This is not only the law of survival, but also the rule between people.

some people say that the best distance between parents and their children is "the distance of a bowl of soup".

each other's temperature should drink just right, so that they will not be afraid of being too hot or too cold.

No one is really hard-hearted, but if you are more ruthless, you may have less pain and helplessness.

"Cai Gentan" says:

"with a cold eye in the lively activity, you will save a lot of bitter thoughts; if there is enthusiasm in the cold place, you will get a lot of real interest."

cool and thin, never do not love, but know how to love at the right time, in the right time, to achieve each other.

give your lover a hug and let go

more and more people have such doubts:

obviously a good relationship, but walk away; obviously desperate for love, but ended up with nothing.

in fact, the maintenance of an intimate relationship does not lie in the care in times of crisis, but in the space in times of calm.

the fact that two people love each other does not mean that two people can integrate with each other, and they should have both common areas and boundaries.

and people who are "cold by nature" know more about the sense of distance. They don't seem to pay much attention to their feelings, but in fact, they put their affection to the right place.

as the writer Su Qin once said:

"A true estrangement always wears warm clothes; true enthusiasm has an estranged wardrobe."

Love should not only learn to hug, but also let go. Only when both parties enjoy understanding and freedom can the relationship continue.

if the boundaries overlap and do not distinguish from each other, no matter how close the relationship seems to be, there will be hidden dangers.

truly happy marriages are all "separate lives".

in a relationship, you always have to learn to love yourself before you love others. Only in this way can you really give your true love to the person you care about most.

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people often say:

"A lively life is easy to end, but a slow and hot relationship is the longest."

when people get along with others, they should be kind to each other. Don't owe others, and don't say goodbye.A man's debt.

if a person is kind to everyone and passionate to everyone, the relationship is often affected and false.

on the contrary, if a relationship, each at ease, the two do not owe each other, although it seems cool, but the most comfortable and lasting.

Adler said:

"you don't live to meet other people's expectations, and others don't live to meet your expectations."

people should live all their lives to be themselves, not to cater to others.

therefore, do not care about the views of others, do not cling to the judgment of others, do not have to force the approval of others, to be an indifferent person, is the best explanation for life.

there will be a long way to go, but there will be a return.

May you and I live a warm rest of our lives with a cool and thin spirit, cherish each other and walk together safely.

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