you say "happy marriage"

an uncle

in the entertainment circle over the past two days, there has been one happy event after another. First, Li Ronghao and Rainie Yang, who have been sprinkling dog food for several years, finally got married, and then Tang Yan and Luo Jin also announced the good news of pregnancy.

in fact, marriage is one of the most important things in one's life, whether it is a star or an ordinary person.

two people get to know each other, get to know each other, and finally walk into the hall of marriage and start a new journey of life.

however, in addition to marriage, there are chicken feathers all over the ground waiting for you to clean up.

some couples came together because they were attracted to each other, but in their long-term life, because of personality differences and pressure from all sides, they often quarreled and accused each other of suspicion, and in the end they couldn't even live on.

it is said that marriage is not easy, and it is possible to cherish it. Is it true that the beauty of the past is destined to be devastated by the years?

if you have unbreakable knots in your marriage, you might as well follow your uncle to study the Pope of Marriage

"

John Gottman's Happy Marriage.

in fact, what kind of marriage to harvest is not entirely a matter of luck, the method is very important.

I believe that after reading the article, you can also find the true meaning of a happy marriage!

-01-

A good marriage requires a "quarrel"

someone on Zhihu asked: what is a mature marriage like?

the following highly praised answer: they have all adhered to the principle of quarrelling about things and not people.

apart from personality differences, differences in living habits and different modes of thinking, many couples forget this thing: listening.

when most couples find that there is a conflict between the two sides, they either seem to be ready to make a verbal appointment, or completely ignore it, giving full play to the "cold war".

finally, the communication channel between the two parties is blocked or completely closed.

one of the worst reasons for the end of a marriage is that both husband and wife fail to realize his value in time, and by the time they do, it is already too late.

Gottman recorded such a story:

Judy's husband Bob often comes home from work late. After a long time, Judy complains:

"you are so selfish that you always come back from work late and leave me to take care of the children alone."

Bob could not help but burst out in the face of his wife's accusation and the pressure of work, and neither of them paid any attention to each other.

after the therapist understood, he told Judy that when expressing dissatisfaction, he should state his feelings instead of complaining loudly.

when she got home, Judy said to her husband, "you came home from work late. Only me and the children stayed at home. I felt lonely and at a loss."

as soon as he finished, Bob gave Judy a hug. "I'm sorry to leave you at home to take care of the kids, but I'll try to get back from work early in the future."

you see, a word can change a marriage, so why are we so aggressive?

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since marriage is a relationship that makes people feel safe, it must be much easier to maintain a happy marriage if each party can be considerate of the other and stop blaming when it comes to problems.

in this world, there are no born perfect lovers, only two hearts that constantly run in in life.

maybe now you don't have confidence in your marriage, and you can't guarantee that your marriage will last a lifetime, so set a small goal and be sweet for a while.

the starting point of marriage is love. When two people are full of each other's advantages, life is naturally as simple and pure as when they are passionately in love.

the so-called quarrel is just a different way to act coquettish:

I chose to be with you, of course, not to quarrel;

but after the quarrel, you still want to be together.

-02-

A good marriage keeps each other warm

I have heard such a story:

if a fisherman catches a crab, he will certainly cover the bamboo basket, but not a group.

someone asked them why?

the fisherman explained:

those lying in the cage, you clamp me, I clamp you, no one can move.

it is the result of holding each other back, so everyone can only stay in the bamboo basket obediently.

in fact, there is also a "crab effect" in marriage. If a person cannot climb out of the cage, he will not let his partner climb out. Even if the other person tries to change the status quo, he will be constantly ridiculed and beaten by the other party.

Peter is the manager of a shoe store. He is good at despising others, especially his wife.

Peter once said on the question of how to spend money:

"A lot of things can be explained by looking at our differences in car selection and dress.

you make fun of me to wash my own car, but you drive the car out to pay others to wash it for you, and you don't want to bother to wash the car yourself. This is too much. I think you're just used to it! "

wifeCynthia countered angrily: "I don't wash the car because of poor physical strength. If you can help me, I would like to wash the car myself. I would appreciate it."

even though Cynthia tried to reconcile again, Peter reprimanded his wife even more.

it must be clear to everyone that Peter's purpose is very clear. under the guise of morality, he wants to belittle his wife and accumulate negative thoughts about each other for a long time, which can easily lead to the escalation of conflicts between the two sides.

"belligerence is a contemptuous close relative, it is also fatal to the relationship between husband and wife, belligerence is a kind of aggressive anger, because it contains threats and provocations."

if you get along for a long time, you need to keep your mouth shut. Belittling words are a kind of harm to each other. It is easier to throw them out than to take them back.

10% of life is made up of things that happen naturally, and 90% is determined by how you react to things that happen. This is especially true in marriage.

when the other person is angry, you might as well lose face and say loudly, "Hey, don't yell at me, I know I'm wrong!" Or "you digress."

these seemingly casual attempts can stabilize an exploding marriage.

the next time something goes wrong, don't be too busy questioning each other, instead of thinking about whether you are becoming less tolerant of each other.

A good marriage, be each other's stupid fan, a bad marriage, be each other's bad judge.

-03-

A good marriage is not a partnership, but the rest of your life

the itch of seven years is not doomed, it is all because of careful management.

if you want a happy marriage, you might as well take a look at the following suggestions:

go out and hold hands and chat at home

Romance is not only hidden behind candlelight dinners and red roses, but also accumulated in little things.

when TA is talking to you, remember to put your ear close; when TA reaches out your hand, remember to hand over your arm.

when two people are willing to get to know each other and get close to each other, the distance between their hearts will shrink.

give me a compliment when you are free, and give me a hug after a fight

take a magnifying glass to see the advantages of your partner, and you will find that TA is really great.

praise is like saving money in an emotional bank. Quarrelling is like withdrawing money out of the bank. If you save more, you will have more money.

even if you quarrel occasionally, don't try your best to hurt each other like a hedgehog, and finally put your marriage in an irreparable position.

A hurtful word is better than a warm hug.

regular appointments and occasional gifts

novelty is not to do the same thing with different people, but to do different things with the same person.

dating every three days and quietly preparing surprises in love should be extended after marriage.

the sense of ritual is not superficial. The more mundane the day, the more you have to learn to create your own rituals.

Please remember:

only those who are not perfunctory in their feelings are qualified to be favored by a happy marriage.

Interactive topic

chat with your uncle about the book you want to read in the message area.

or your experience in running a marriage.

I will choose

10 book friends

,

send a copy of "Happy Marriage"

,

those of you who want to get married,

can hold hands and keep walking.